Sometimes my life can seem a little overwhelming. Sometimes my 17 month old acts as if he's possessed by demons. Sometimes my newborn just doesn't want to go to sleep. Sometimes I feel exhausted getting up during the night. There are days when I just don't feel I have enough energy to make it through the day. There are times when I'm just flat pissed at my husband. There are times I reminisce about the single days when I could go do WHATEVER I wanted without having to drag two monkeys along AND their diapers. There are times I want to cry because I feel like a failure as a mother. There are times I want to cry because I feel like the worst wife in history.
These times I feel like this, I usually drag myself to go make dinner, pick-up my toddler, check on my newborn, or start to clean up. And then There's that one moment.
That moment I look up to see my husband wrestling around with Calvin and I watch Calvin squeal from his dad's tickling. That moment I walk in a room and see Calvin smile so big up at me. That moment I see my husband gently kiss our newborn's cheek. That moment I catch Calvin trying to get our newborn out of his bassinet and realize he just wants to "kiss" him. That moment when my husband comes home and gives me a big hug after a hard day. That moment Calvin comes and sits in my lap and puts his head on my chest to rest. That moment I rock the newborn to sleep at 3 a.m. and he smiles so big in his sleep. That moment I see my husband trying to teach the toddler to gently love on the newborn. That moment I hear my husband playing with our son during bath time.
And it's then I realize that these are "precious moments" in time that quickly pass. I realize I need to treasure all these moments, good and bad. I realize that I have kids who love me and depend on me and a sweet husband who goes to the moon and back just to please me. I realize I am "living the dream" and have the best family imaginable. I realize that we're mortals and everyone will die but I will have an eternal family to look forward to. And then I realize...I have it all, what more could I ask for?
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
August 10th - The Best and Worst Day of my Life
August 10th 2013 was the worst day of my life (as far as I can remember). There is no doubt about it, it was a disaster. And why would I say the day my son was born, was the worst day of my life? Well it all started off like this:
Caden was due August 16th. I went to the doctor for my final OB visit on August 7th. My doctor had agreed to induce labor on August 13th so that's why it was my final visit. I just felt like Caden would be late making his appearance. At this appointment on the 7th, my doctor "checked me" and told me she believed the baby was coming that weekend. She said the baby was really low, I was already dilated a couple centimeters, and 80% effaced. I smiled and just nodded, nobody knows when a baby is going to come. It's like trying to predict the second coming - nobody really knows. So I really didn't take my doctor seriously.
Thursday and Friday I experience some mild cramping. I'm going to try to wrap this story up as quick as possible without sharing every detail that I really want to put in here :) I called the doctor Friday and asked if she thought I might be in labor. Of course not. Friday night I had trouble sleeping due to mild/moderate cramping. I got up Saturday morning and the cramping was sporadic but felt a little more intense. Finally around noon Trent watched me tense up as I experienced an intense cramp. He commented that we needed to go on to the hospital (It was over an hour away). He went to get in the shower as I suddenly experienced the most painful contraction yet. This was the first cramp I felt that brought tears to my eyes. I walked straight to the shower and told Trent " We need to go NOW". I knew I had plenty of time to get to the hospital but I wanted to get there early to get my epidural and make sure we dropped my son off with my sister-in-law. I called the mid-wife and told her we were on the way to the hospital and my contractions were 10 minutes apart. She then proceeded to laugh and tell me to turn around and go home that I needed to wait until the contractions were 5 minutes apart. She said even though we were over an hour away, it would be quite some time before the contractions were 5 minutes apart. My gut told me to go to the hospital. I just told her I was coming no matter what she said. Here's where things got REAL.
I went from getting in the car breathing hard with Trent doing the speed limit to screaming my head off, 0 minutes between contractions and Trent driving over 100 miles an hour to the hospital. I couldn't stop screaming, the pain was incredible and unbearable. I felt like I was going to lose consciousness (no joke). This all happen within 30 minutes. I felt the baby's head come down and my heart sank - I knew Trent was about to deliver the baby. I finally screamed to Trent that it was too late, we just weren't going to make it. This must have really scared Trent because it took us 30 minutes to drive an hour drive. With wheels screeching we made it to Northside hospital's women's center front door.
I really don't remember too much, I was literally overcome with pain. Apparently the security guards saw us tear into the parking lot to the front doors and could hear and see me screaming my head off. Some nurses on break ran to help, and all I remember is being wheeled back screaming my head off. We went straight into the room where they began to take my clothes off and I held the bed rail for dear life. The mid-wife (who told me to turn around and go home) said it was time to push and way too late for an epidural. Now - I had listened to this mid-wife and gone home....Trent would have delivered the baby at our home.
I honestly don't have much memory of all this but one thing I do recall is telling them I wouldn't push until I got an epidural. And you know what? I got an epidural 10 cm dilated and totally effaced with baby's head ready to come out. How? I demanded it. After my epidural I pushed 3 times and baby Caden was here.
I went from wanting 3-4 children to telling Trent we were done. It really was that bad. Now with this being said - words never can describe how you feel when you see your children after they're born. I was so in love with Caden and thought he was a little angel.
But the pain was like nothing I've ever experienced. It was incredible and UNBEARABLE. Just look at me. I literally went through my entire labor with no pain meds. And women actually choose to do this!!
I don't think I can handle going through this again. My mother told me she never experienced contractions that bad but when I say I thought I was about to lose consciousness, I mean it! I was absolutely humiliated that I was pushed back past all kinds of people in the lobby screaming uncontrollably. It's going to take a long time for me to forget about this day.
But here are a few pics of my little angel :)
Caden was due August 16th. I went to the doctor for my final OB visit on August 7th. My doctor had agreed to induce labor on August 13th so that's why it was my final visit. I just felt like Caden would be late making his appearance. At this appointment on the 7th, my doctor "checked me" and told me she believed the baby was coming that weekend. She said the baby was really low, I was already dilated a couple centimeters, and 80% effaced. I smiled and just nodded, nobody knows when a baby is going to come. It's like trying to predict the second coming - nobody really knows. So I really didn't take my doctor seriously.
Thursday and Friday I experience some mild cramping. I'm going to try to wrap this story up as quick as possible without sharing every detail that I really want to put in here :) I called the doctor Friday and asked if she thought I might be in labor. Of course not. Friday night I had trouble sleeping due to mild/moderate cramping. I got up Saturday morning and the cramping was sporadic but felt a little more intense. Finally around noon Trent watched me tense up as I experienced an intense cramp. He commented that we needed to go on to the hospital (It was over an hour away). He went to get in the shower as I suddenly experienced the most painful contraction yet. This was the first cramp I felt that brought tears to my eyes. I walked straight to the shower and told Trent " We need to go NOW". I knew I had plenty of time to get to the hospital but I wanted to get there early to get my epidural and make sure we dropped my son off with my sister-in-law. I called the mid-wife and told her we were on the way to the hospital and my contractions were 10 minutes apart. She then proceeded to laugh and tell me to turn around and go home that I needed to wait until the contractions were 5 minutes apart. She said even though we were over an hour away, it would be quite some time before the contractions were 5 minutes apart. My gut told me to go to the hospital. I just told her I was coming no matter what she said. Here's where things got REAL.
I went from getting in the car breathing hard with Trent doing the speed limit to screaming my head off, 0 minutes between contractions and Trent driving over 100 miles an hour to the hospital. I couldn't stop screaming, the pain was incredible and unbearable. I felt like I was going to lose consciousness (no joke). This all happen within 30 minutes. I felt the baby's head come down and my heart sank - I knew Trent was about to deliver the baby. I finally screamed to Trent that it was too late, we just weren't going to make it. This must have really scared Trent because it took us 30 minutes to drive an hour drive. With wheels screeching we made it to Northside hospital's women's center front door.
I really don't remember too much, I was literally overcome with pain. Apparently the security guards saw us tear into the parking lot to the front doors and could hear and see me screaming my head off. Some nurses on break ran to help, and all I remember is being wheeled back screaming my head off. We went straight into the room where they began to take my clothes off and I held the bed rail for dear life. The mid-wife (who told me to turn around and go home) said it was time to push and way too late for an epidural. Now - I had listened to this mid-wife and gone home....Trent would have delivered the baby at our home.
I honestly don't have much memory of all this but one thing I do recall is telling them I wouldn't push until I got an epidural. And you know what? I got an epidural 10 cm dilated and totally effaced with baby's head ready to come out. How? I demanded it. After my epidural I pushed 3 times and baby Caden was here.
I went from wanting 3-4 children to telling Trent we were done. It really was that bad. Now with this being said - words never can describe how you feel when you see your children after they're born. I was so in love with Caden and thought he was a little angel.
But the pain was like nothing I've ever experienced. It was incredible and UNBEARABLE. Just look at me. I literally went through my entire labor with no pain meds. And women actually choose to do this!!
I don't think I can handle going through this again. My mother told me she never experienced contractions that bad but when I say I thought I was about to lose consciousness, I mean it! I was absolutely humiliated that I was pushed back past all kinds of people in the lobby screaming uncontrollably. It's going to take a long time for me to forget about this day.
But here are a few pics of my little angel :)
Sunday, July 21, 2013
So close, yet so far away!
So I finally reached the 36 week mark (for pregnancy), and you mothers know this is the point when you're totally over the pregnancy thing. All you want is to get this parasite out! Now calm yourselves, I'm joking. I'm looking forward to meeting this little guy, I'm just no longer interested in carrying him in my womb (he feels like a monster!). I think the most annoying thing about the last trimester is not the fact you can't even roll over in bed or sleep (now I can thanks to ambien), it's the total lack of energy. I'm a person who is "go go go" all the time and having NO energy is just irritating. I like to have a project going around the house at all times. It might be something like working out in the yard, redecorating a room, or just re-painting a room. But lately I've been running on fumes for energy.
With all this being said, I am totally grateful I'm able to have children. I never realized there were so many couples who struggled to have children. I see this more and more often and it completely breaks my heart. Just seems like too many deserving couples have there dreams shattered over and over, which has caused me to question our heavenly father's mysterious ways once or twice. Nevertheless, he knows what he's doing and one day we'll all understand why.
I have struggled on deciding on whether I want to be induced or wait on the baby to decide to come. I keep going back and forth about it. I think the only reason I really want to be induced is the distance. See, Trent and I moved down to Sharpsburg, GA. This is about 45 minutes from the hospital with absolutely no traffic. If it happens to be rush hour, who knows. So I'm thinking the safest thing would be a scheduled induction. It will only be 3 days before the baby's due date.
We bought a house in Sharpsburg, Ga and moved in June 7th. We have been insanely busy fixing up the house to our liking. It's always a pain to redecorate a new place. It seems like it takes forever to find the perfect decor to "fit the space". But we love having all the space and 5 bedrooms. When you have kids, you have enough toys and stuff to fill an entire house. So space is KEY. Calvin also loves all the space and spends most his time exploring and going on long stroller rides through our subdivision.
I must say this child absolutely cracks me up. He is just my entire PRIDE AND JOY. I'm so impressed with his "spunky" little personality and all his adorable quirks. He can make me smile no matter how bad my day was. Some people find having a child as a drag, I say take a good look at yourself my friend. Calvin has brought the most happiness I have ever experience in all my life. I couldn't imagine life without him. I just can't wait to meet this next little guy :)
With all this being said, I am totally grateful I'm able to have children. I never realized there were so many couples who struggled to have children. I see this more and more often and it completely breaks my heart. Just seems like too many deserving couples have there dreams shattered over and over, which has caused me to question our heavenly father's mysterious ways once or twice. Nevertheless, he knows what he's doing and one day we'll all understand why.
I have struggled on deciding on whether I want to be induced or wait on the baby to decide to come. I keep going back and forth about it. I think the only reason I really want to be induced is the distance. See, Trent and I moved down to Sharpsburg, GA. This is about 45 minutes from the hospital with absolutely no traffic. If it happens to be rush hour, who knows. So I'm thinking the safest thing would be a scheduled induction. It will only be 3 days before the baby's due date.
We bought a house in Sharpsburg, Ga and moved in June 7th. We have been insanely busy fixing up the house to our liking. It's always a pain to redecorate a new place. It seems like it takes forever to find the perfect decor to "fit the space". But we love having all the space and 5 bedrooms. When you have kids, you have enough toys and stuff to fill an entire house. So space is KEY. Calvin also loves all the space and spends most his time exploring and going on long stroller rides through our subdivision.
I must say this child absolutely cracks me up. He is just my entire PRIDE AND JOY. I'm so impressed with his "spunky" little personality and all his adorable quirks. He can make me smile no matter how bad my day was. Some people find having a child as a drag, I say take a good look at yourself my friend. Calvin has brought the most happiness I have ever experience in all my life. I couldn't imagine life without him. I just can't wait to meet this next little guy :)
Friday, March 29, 2013
Our Week in Utah
Trent and I decided to take a trip to Utah a week ago. We thought it was best, being that Calvin's great-grandparents are getting older...94!! We wanted them to have a chance to meet their great grandson. We first flew into St. George and on to Hurricane. Calvin was so good on both flights...I was quite proud! But once the plane touched down in St. George, He just completely soured! We then went on to Kanab to visit both great-grandparents. Now for those of you who have never been to Kanab, It is a small village located on the south border of Utah. When I say village, I mean a very charming village :) Here we visited Grandpa White (who is 94!) and Donna.
Grandpa white was quite charming while telling stories of the past. One story he told was of pitching to Jakie Robinson while in College. From what I understood, they wanted to advance him to the minor leagues but under the condition he would move out east. Seems Grandpa White said no thank you. This man really has some interesting stories!Calvin just spent most the time crawling on the floor and going through my purse and diaper bag (his favorite activity). Once, while in church, I wouldn't let him go though my purse so he scooted up the the pew in front of us and started going through a young lady's purse....so funny! Hey - this purse playing business doesn't mean he's "fruity"....just something kids do.
Next we went to Grandma Mary's house to visit for awhile. Calvin seemed quite intrigued with his great-grandmother.
We then stayed several days in Hurricane to visit with aunts and cousins. Calvin met Aunt Tammy and his cousins Tyler and Andi. He didn't quite know what to think of baby Mason. Calvin is so funny about other babies...He usually seems so terrified of them!
Then on to Salt Lake City we flew to visit Calvin's Uncle Brian, Aunt Holly and their awesome kids Kylie, Sydney, and Tyson. It was at this point I forgot to take anymore pictures :) I think this was due to the fact that we were jet-lagged and zombie-like from lack of sleep. Calvin did NOT sleep well while on vacation! We love and miss our Utah Family. Next time we go, we're going to make a special trip to visit old friends...that I was so sad about not getting to see :(
Grandpa white was quite charming while telling stories of the past. One story he told was of pitching to Jakie Robinson while in College. From what I understood, they wanted to advance him to the minor leagues but under the condition he would move out east. Seems Grandpa White said no thank you. This man really has some interesting stories!Calvin just spent most the time crawling on the floor and going through my purse and diaper bag (his favorite activity). Once, while in church, I wouldn't let him go though my purse so he scooted up the the pew in front of us and started going through a young lady's purse....so funny! Hey - this purse playing business doesn't mean he's "fruity"....just something kids do.
Next we went to Grandma Mary's house to visit for awhile. Calvin seemed quite intrigued with his great-grandmother.
We then stayed several days in Hurricane to visit with aunts and cousins. Calvin met Aunt Tammy and his cousins Tyler and Andi. He didn't quite know what to think of baby Mason. Calvin is so funny about other babies...He usually seems so terrified of them!
Then on to Salt Lake City we flew to visit Calvin's Uncle Brian, Aunt Holly and their awesome kids Kylie, Sydney, and Tyson. It was at this point I forgot to take anymore pictures :) I think this was due to the fact that we were jet-lagged and zombie-like from lack of sleep. Calvin did NOT sleep well while on vacation! We love and miss our Utah Family. Next time we go, we're going to make a special trip to visit old friends...that I was so sad about not getting to see :(
Our Special Surprise
Calvin turned one on March 3, and it was a much anticipated party by his anxious mother. First of all, I OBSESSED over making his cake. I decided to do "A Very Hungry Caterpillar " theme and I wanted the cake to be perfect. I think it actually turned out pretty decent myself. I've never actually made a birthday cake for anyone!
Then I obsessed on how to decorate for the birthday. Thanks to pintrerst, I came up with a few ideas.
Last, I was completely obsessing over the special surprise I had for our parents. You see, Trent and I had been keeping a little secret from everyone for several months. We had known since Dec. 6th that I was pregnant with our second child. We were overjoyed over the news, but I didn't think about it non-stop like I did with my first pregnancy. To be perfectly honest....I would just forget I was pregnant. It wasn't that I lacked enthusiasm about the pregnancy, I just stay busy and it's just not quite as exciting as your "very first" pregnancy. With this being said - I decided to find a fun way to reveal the secret to the grandparents. I bought an adorable shirt for Calvin that read "I'm not lion, I'm going to be a big brother". The shirt had an adorable lion in the middle of it. I thought what better time and neat way to reveal our secret at Calvin's party with all the family around?!? I put the shirt on Calvin and put a vest on top of it so the secret wouldn't be revealed until the perfect time - which was when I put Calvin in his high chair to dig into his cake. That way everyone would be around watching and notice his shirt.
Well here's how that "reveal" went down. We took off Calvin's vest and put him in the high chair so everyone could read our exciting news.
Yeah, that's how this ungrateful, party-pooper reacted. To top this rude behavior off.....NOBODY noticed his shirt....NOBODY. Trent finally picked Calvin up and held him to calm him and so everyone could read his shirt.
And NOBODY noticed his shirt...at all. We finally just put Calvin back in his chair and gave him a piece of cake to see if it would calm him.
And it did! Hey - sugar will make ANYONE happy! He was good-to-go after the cake. Sadly, no one ever did notice the shirt so we had to bring it to everyone's attention...what a waste of $27!!!
Then I obsessed on how to decorate for the birthday. Thanks to pintrerst, I came up with a few ideas.
Last, I was completely obsessing over the special surprise I had for our parents. You see, Trent and I had been keeping a little secret from everyone for several months. We had known since Dec. 6th that I was pregnant with our second child. We were overjoyed over the news, but I didn't think about it non-stop like I did with my first pregnancy. To be perfectly honest....I would just forget I was pregnant. It wasn't that I lacked enthusiasm about the pregnancy, I just stay busy and it's just not quite as exciting as your "very first" pregnancy. With this being said - I decided to find a fun way to reveal the secret to the grandparents. I bought an adorable shirt for Calvin that read "I'm not lion, I'm going to be a big brother". The shirt had an adorable lion in the middle of it. I thought what better time and neat way to reveal our secret at Calvin's party with all the family around?!? I put the shirt on Calvin and put a vest on top of it so the secret wouldn't be revealed until the perfect time - which was when I put Calvin in his high chair to dig into his cake. That way everyone would be around watching and notice his shirt.
Well here's how that "reveal" went down. We took off Calvin's vest and put him in the high chair so everyone could read our exciting news.
Yeah, that's how this ungrateful, party-pooper reacted. To top this rude behavior off.....NOBODY noticed his shirt....NOBODY. Trent finally picked Calvin up and held him to calm him and so everyone could read his shirt.
And NOBODY noticed his shirt...at all. We finally just put Calvin back in his chair and gave him a piece of cake to see if it would calm him.
And it did! Hey - sugar will make ANYONE happy! He was good-to-go after the cake. Sadly, no one ever did notice the shirt so we had to bring it to everyone's attention...what a waste of $27!!!
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