My little Smiley Cade and Serious All-Business Cal

Boy, it's amazing how different my sons are. I mean they are like night and day different. Polar opposites in looks and personalities. I love this about them. They have such unique little personalities. Raising them has, at times, been quite confusing. Cade does things as a baby that Cal never did. I thought I was totally prepared for my second baby after Cal but Cade does the opposite of what Cal did.

 Where Cal screamed, Cade's quiet. Cal was always serious and stoic like "Bring my dang bottle and make sure it's the perfect temp, and make it snappy!". Cade is just smiley and happy to see me and just "Bring my bottle when you have a chance and don't worry about getting it the right temp". Cal would throw a complete fit if I got the temp of the bottle wrong. Which consisted of him throwing his arms up, kicking his legs, slap the bottle out of my hand and scream bloody murder if the temp was "slightly off". He started doing this at 4 months old. This would last 5-10 minutes and then he would give me an eat sh%# look and try the bottle I warmed up a little more. I better have gotten it right or we would have to go through this ordeal again. True story. Real talk here. Just ask Ashley Terry. Calvin is the king of giving the most dirty I-Hate-You looks. He's done it since he was....well, since he was born. He also would throw fits like this when I nursed him and tried to change breast.

I got it wrong a lot of times but I tried my best to get it right.

Cade on the other hand didn't mind if I took his bottle from him 100 times. He would wait patiently for me to give it back. As long as his bottle was slightly warm, he was happy. Cade is more interested in socializing when I get up with him during the night. Cal was give me my bottle and then put me down and don't bother me again until I give you notice. Cade wants to look around his nursery, talk to me, eat, and laugh. He just never stops smiling. He is our social butterfly. He gets so excited when people are around and will let anyone hold him. Cal is very cautious. Cade just wants someone to look at him and he could smile all day.

I love their little personalities. They keep Trent and I laughing at all times. They are my greatest blessings and accomplishments.

33 Years

It's that time of year again. The time that I have started to kinda dread. I turned 33 today, and frankly I just don't want to get any older. Next birthday, I will be considered to be in my "mid-30s". Booooo! I feel just 22! Time just never stops. It marches on and on. The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes. This seems kind of depressing to me. Sometimes I just want to turn back the clocks and go back to being 10. Or 11. Or 12. I just want to go back and enjoy being a child one more time. I even start to bargain with god and promise to be the best 10 year old ever! I want to enjoy spending time with my family and friends a little more. Why did I want to grow up so fast? I always wished I was older when I was younger, and now that I'm older I just wish I could go back to being younger. Adults used to say "Why do you want to grow up so fast?" "Just enjoy being young". Unfortunately, I was an adult before I realized what they were talking about. Then it was too late. I was sucked into adulthood and responsibilities sought me out and laid claim on my life. They control me and dictate everything I do in my life now. I can not escape them, for they will seek me out and find me. This is why they always say "Enjoy being young". One day your life will be ruled by responsibilities!!

I have a message for young children who want to grow up so fast. PLEASE ENJOY EVERY SECOND OF EVERYDAY JUST BEING A CHILD AND FREE OF RESPONSIBILITIES. Being a grown-up is much harder than being a child. Young adults need to slow down and enjoy the journey. Say I love you more often. Be a better friend. Be a better daughter/son and treasure family time. Be active. Date anyone and everyone, just don't get serious. Not till you're like 23. Or 24. Dance, even if everyone laughs at you. Stand up for what is right but know it may not "be cool". Love life and be passionate about helping others. Smile when things seem terrible, they're really not that bad. Be good to yourself and show yourself the utmost respect. You deserve it.

I can't complain about my life. It has been a wonderful adventure so far. Like a roller coaster, there have been many ups and downs. There have been loops and bends a long the way but I always tried to learn a lesson from these. I ended up with a job absolutely love. It helps keep me humble. I have a terrific husband. He makes having kids seem easier and fun. I have the sweetest kids. They always make me laugh. And sometimes make me really mad. But I love them more than words will ever be able to describe. I have awesome parents. I just LOVE when they come to visit. Overall I would say I'm living the dream.

So I don't really fret too much about turning 33. We're all going to get old and die. there's just no way around it, and frankly, I really don't mind. I think I'll enjoy heaven quite much! What I'll do in the meantime is just enjoy being 33. I'll enjoy everything the way it is at this very moment. I won't wish my kids were older and potty-trained. Or that I had more money to spend. Or that i was already retired and able to travel more, etc. I'm just going to love it and enjoy these precious moments. Who knows, One day I'll be 63 and wonder why I wanted to grow up and not enjoy being 33.

It's so easy to get overwhelmed in life and not enjoy the precious moments. We need to try to take time and breath the fresh air. MAKE time to enjoy life.

Life with my yin and yang

Life has become quite busy with 2 boys under the age of two. These guys keep me on my toes at all times. If I happen to get distracted by the T.V. and watch a show for 2 minutes, then I will pay for it. For example: About 8 ft of wall will be drawn on. I mean all over! All done in the 2 minutes I get distracted in the T.V. Or after changing the little one's diaper I notice my older son is smiling holding my toothbrush. That's real nice he decided to clean the floor but why use mommy's toothbrush!?!? Oh, maybe we could pour all the goldfish down the vent or just go hide mama's debit card. The best one yet? Put mommy's phone in the garbage can and wait for her to figure out it's missing 4 hours later. Then help her frantically search for it like he's got no clue where it is. All done within a 2 minute distraction period. Yes, many joys in having 2 little boys under the age of 2 years!

With this being said, I do not regret having them so close together (they are 17 months apart). I planned it this way. There are days were I just feel like I've gone insane, and days where being with these two are the happiest days in my life. Occasionally there are those days I just loose it and feel like the worst mom in history. But the majority of the time I just love watching these 2 little boys interact and play. Calvin and Caden are quite entertaining and put on a show everyday. And everyday they do something new that makes me smile and go "Aaawww, How cute!"

They are like yin and yang in that they are opposites. I mean TOTAL opposites in looks and personality. Calvin is now 22 months old. He already has a bad temper and is very impatient. He doesn't like to be around other people unless it's family. He cried non-stop as a baby and drove me nuts. Both sides of our families argue who Calvin looks like. I think he's a good mix of us both, all though I would say 60% Trent and 40 % me.

 Caden has to be one of the sweetest babies I've ever seen. He is now 5 months old. He's always smiley and happy (as long as you don't put him down). He will smile at any stranger and allow them to hold him. He is a total social butterfly. He's so patient and tolerant of his brother's roughness. As for looks, both families argued he DID NOT look like their side. But as time has passed we realized he did look like a Berrie. I would say he's 90% me and 10% Trent. I just love that my boys are so different and special in their own little ways. It just makes me melt to watch them play (usually independently).

Life is not nearly as hard as I thought having 2 little ones so close in age. It actually is not bad at all. I wanted my kids close in age so they would have a playmate, just like I did growing up. AND both my kids nap 2-3 hours at the same time. People kept making all kind of comments about how crazy I was. I heard comments like " Just how many kids DO YOU want?!?!" Like I should be ashamed of having 2 children or wanting more. BTW - I pay taxes and don't have government assistance. Or people would say "What would make you want to have them so close together?" Or " I would have at least waited 2 years." Or "Good gracious! Bless your heart, you have NO free time!" This is what I have to say about that. Just because you could not handle it doesn't mean I can't. I must be a lot stronger than you. So bless YOUR heart :)

Life is good. God is great. And people are crazy. 

There's that One Moment...

Sometimes my life can seem a little overwhelming. Sometimes my 17 month old acts as if he's possessed by demons. Sometimes my newborn just doesn't want to go to sleep. Sometimes I feel exhausted getting up during the night. There are days when I just don't feel I have enough energy to make it through the day. There are times when I'm just flat pissed at my husband. There are times I reminisce about the single days when I could go do WHATEVER I wanted without having to drag two monkeys along AND their diapers. There are times I want to cry because I feel like a failure as a mother. There are times I want to cry because I feel like the worst wife in history.
 
These times I feel like this, I usually drag myself to go make dinner, pick-up my toddler, check on my newborn, or start to clean up. And then There's that one moment.

That moment I look up to see my husband wrestling around with Calvin and I watch Calvin squeal from his dad's tickling. That moment I walk in a room and see Calvin smile so big up at me. That moment I see my husband gently kiss our newborn's cheek. That moment I catch Calvin trying to get our newborn out of his bassinet and realize he just wants to "kiss" him. That moment when my husband comes home and gives me a big hug after a hard day. That moment Calvin comes and sits in my lap and puts his head on my chest to rest. That moment I rock the newborn to sleep at 3 a.m. and he smiles so big in his sleep. That moment I see my husband trying to teach the toddler to gently love on the newborn. That moment I hear my husband playing with our son during bath time.

And it's then I realize that these are "precious moments" in time that quickly pass. I realize I need to treasure all these moments, good and bad. I realize that I have kids who love me and depend on me and a sweet husband who goes to the moon and back just to please me. I realize I am "living the dream" and have the best family imaginable. I realize that we're mortals and everyone will die but I will have an eternal family to look forward to. And then I realize...I have it all, what more could I ask for?

August 10th - The Best and Worst Day of my Life

August 10th 2013 was the worst day of my life (as far as I can remember). There is no doubt about it, it was a disaster. And why would I say the day my son was born, was the worst day of my life? Well it all started off like this:

Caden was due August 16th. I went to the doctor for my final OB visit on August 7th. My doctor had agreed to induce labor on August 13th so that's why it was my final visit. I just felt like Caden would be late making his appearance. At this appointment on the 7th, my doctor "checked me" and told me she believed the baby was coming that weekend. She said the baby was really low, I was already dilated a couple centimeters, and 80% effaced. I smiled and just nodded, nobody knows when a baby is going to come. It's like trying to predict the second coming - nobody really knows. So I really didn't take my doctor seriously.

Thursday and Friday I experience some mild cramping. I'm going to try to wrap this story up as quick as possible without sharing every detail that I really want to put in here :) I called the doctor Friday and asked if she thought I might be in labor. Of course not. Friday night I had trouble sleeping due to mild/moderate cramping. I got up Saturday morning and the cramping was sporadic but felt a little more intense. Finally around noon Trent watched me tense up as I experienced an intense cramp. He commented that we needed to go on to the hospital (It was over an hour away). He went to get in the shower as I suddenly experienced the most painful contraction yet. This was the first cramp I felt that brought tears to my eyes. I walked straight to the shower and told Trent " We need to go NOW". I knew I had plenty of time to get to the hospital but I wanted to get there early to get my epidural and make sure we dropped my son off with my sister-in-law. I called the mid-wife and told her we were on the way to the hospital and my contractions were 10 minutes apart. She then proceeded to laugh and tell me to turn around and go home that I needed to wait until the contractions were 5 minutes apart. She said even though we were over an hour away, it would be quite some time before the contractions were 5 minutes apart. My gut told me to go to the hospital. I just told her I was coming no matter what she said. Here's where things got REAL.

I went from getting in the car breathing hard with Trent doing the speed limit to screaming my head off, 0 minutes between contractions and Trent driving over 100 miles an hour to the hospital. I couldn't stop screaming, the pain was incredible and unbearable. I felt like I was going to lose consciousness (no joke). This all happen within 30 minutes. I felt the baby's head come down and my heart sank - I knew Trent was about to deliver the baby. I finally screamed to Trent that it was too late, we just weren't going to make it. This must have really scared Trent because it took us 30 minutes to drive an hour drive. With wheels screeching we made it to Northside hospital's women's center front door.

I really don't remember too much, I was literally overcome with pain. Apparently the security guards saw us tear into the parking lot to the front doors and could hear and see me screaming my head off. Some nurses on break ran to help, and all I remember is being wheeled back screaming my head off. We went straight into the room where they began to take my clothes off and I held the bed rail for dear life. The mid-wife (who told me to turn around and go home) said it was time to push and way too late for an epidural. Now - I had listened to this mid-wife and gone home....Trent would have delivered the baby at our home.

I honestly don't have much memory of all this but one thing I do recall is telling them I wouldn't push until I got an epidural. And you know what? I got an epidural 10 cm dilated and totally effaced with baby's head ready to come out. How? I demanded it. After my epidural I pushed 3 times and baby Caden was here.

I went from wanting 3-4 children to telling Trent we were done. It really was that bad. Now with this being said - words never can describe how you feel when you see your children after they're born. I was so in love with Caden and thought he was a little angel.

 But the pain was like nothing I've ever experienced. It was incredible and UNBEARABLE. Just look at me. I literally went through my entire labor with no pain meds. And women actually choose to do this!!

I don't think I can handle going through this again. My mother told me she never experienced contractions that bad but when I say I thought I was about to lose consciousness, I mean it! I was absolutely humiliated that I was pushed back past all kinds of people in the lobby screaming uncontrollably. It's going to take a long time for me to forget about this day.

But here are a few pics of my little angel :)

So close, yet so far away!

So I finally reached the 36 week mark (for pregnancy), and you mothers know this is the point when you're totally over the pregnancy thing. All you want is to get this parasite out! Now calm yourselves, I'm joking. I'm looking forward to meeting this little guy, I'm just no longer interested in carrying him in my womb (he feels like a monster!). I think the most annoying thing about the last trimester is not the fact you can't even roll over in bed or sleep (now I can thanks to ambien), it's the total lack of energy. I'm a person who is "go go go" all the time and having NO energy is just irritating. I like to have a project going around the house at all times. It might be something like working out in the yard, redecorating a room, or just re-painting a room. But lately I've been running on fumes for energy.

With all this being said, I am totally grateful I'm able to have children. I never realized there were so many couples who struggled to have children. I see this more and more often and it completely breaks my heart. Just seems like too many deserving couples have there dreams shattered over and over, which has caused me to question our heavenly father's mysterious ways once or twice. Nevertheless, he knows what he's doing and one day we'll all understand why.

I have struggled on deciding on whether I want to be induced or wait on the baby to decide to come. I keep going back and forth about it. I think the only reason I really want to be induced is the distance. See, Trent and I moved down to Sharpsburg, GA. This is about 45 minutes from the hospital with absolutely no traffic. If it happens to be rush hour, who knows. So I'm thinking the safest thing would be a scheduled induction. It will only be 3 days before the baby's due date.

We bought a house in Sharpsburg, Ga and moved in June 7th. We have been insanely busy fixing up the house to our liking. It's always a pain to redecorate a new place. It seems like it takes forever to find the perfect decor to "fit the space". But we love having all the space and 5 bedrooms. When you have kids, you have enough toys and stuff to fill an entire house. So space is KEY. Calvin also loves all the space and spends most his time exploring and going on long stroller rides through our subdivision.

I must say this child absolutely cracks me up. He is just my entire PRIDE AND JOY. I'm so impressed with his "spunky" little personality and all his adorable quirks. He can make me smile no matter how bad my day was.  Some people find having a child as a drag, I say take a good look at yourself my friend. Calvin has brought the most happiness I have ever experience in all my life. I couldn't imagine life without him. I just can't wait to meet this next little guy :)

Our Week in Utah

Trent and I decided to take a trip to Utah a week ago. We thought it was best, being that Calvin's great-grandparents are getting older...94!! We wanted them to have a chance to meet their great grandson. We first flew into St. George and on to Hurricane. Calvin was so good on both flights...I was quite proud! But once the plane touched down in St. George, He just completely soured! We then went on to Kanab to visit both great-grandparents. Now for those of you who have never been to Kanab, It is a small village located on the south border of Utah. When I say village, I mean a very charming village :) Here we visited Grandpa White (who is 94!) and Donna.

Grandpa white was quite charming while telling stories of the past. One story he told was of pitching to Jakie Robinson while in College. From what I understood, they wanted to advance him to the minor leagues but under the condition he would move out east. Seems Grandpa White said no thank you. This man really has some interesting stories!Calvin just spent most the time crawling on the floor and going through my purse and diaper bag (his favorite activity). Once, while in church, I wouldn't let him go though my purse so he scooted up the the pew in front of us and started going through a young lady's purse....so funny! Hey - this purse playing business doesn't mean he's "fruity"....just something kids do.

Next we went to Grandma Mary's house to visit for awhile. Calvin seemed quite intrigued with his great-grandmother.

We then stayed several days in Hurricane to visit with aunts and cousins. Calvin met Aunt Tammy and his cousins Tyler and Andi. He didn't quite know what to think of baby Mason. Calvin is so funny about other babies...He usually seems so terrified of them!

Then on to Salt Lake City we flew to visit Calvin's Uncle Brian, Aunt Holly and their awesome kids Kylie, Sydney, and Tyson. It was at this point I forgot to take anymore pictures :) I think this was due to the fact that we were jet-lagged and zombie-like from lack of sleep. Calvin did NOT sleep well while on vacation! We love and miss our Utah Family. Next time we go, we're going to make a special trip to visit old friends...that I was so sad about not getting to see :(